{"id":3159,"date":"2025-03-08T08:11:53","date_gmt":"2025-03-08T06:11:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/listaluiedelweiss.ro\/?p=3159"},"modified":"2025-03-08T10:18:32","modified_gmt":"2025-03-08T08:18:32","slug":"la-multi-ani","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/listaluiedelweiss.ro\/index.php\/2025\/03\/08\/la-multi-ani\/","title":{"rendered":"La Mul\u021bi Ani"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00cencep prin a-i ura jum\u0103t\u0103\u021bii mele dragi, un nesf\u00e2r\u0219it,\u00a0La Mul\u021bi Ani!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Doamnelor care citesc pe aici, le urez din suflet, tot un uria\u0219, La Mul\u021bi Ani!<\/strong> S\u0103 ave\u021bi o zi minunat\u0103, o via\u021b\u0103 lin\u0103 \u0219i plin\u0103 de oameni care merit\u0103 s\u0103 fie \u00een ea.<\/p>\n

F\u0103r\u0103 voi, via\u021ba noastr\u0103 ar fi pustiu ca de\u0219ertul Gobi. Am tr\u0103i, poate mai mult, dar ar fi ceva al dracului de plictisitor, o agonie matusalemic\u0103 jenant\u0103.<\/p>\n

Chiar m\u0103 g\u00e2ndeam, cum ar fi b\u0103, ca noi, Adamii, s\u0103 nu \u0219tim de voi, Evele, coastele noastre adorate.<\/p>\n

S\u0103 ne \u00eenmul\u021bim ca unicelularele, prin diviziune. S\u0103 nu b\u0103lim la s\u00e2ni de alabastru, glezne sub\u021biri, buze fierbin\u021bi \u0219i generoase de angeline, s\u0103 nu \u0219tim de mun\u021bi venusieni.<\/p>\n

\u00cen primul r\u00e2nd, existen\u021ba voastr\u0103 salveaz\u0103 echilibrul ecosistemului global. F\u0103r\u0103 voi, \u00een decursul unei singure genera\u021bii, nu ar mai fi \u00eenot\u0103toare de pe\u0219te pe planet\u0103. Pe malul fiec\u0103rei ape cunoscute de pe Terra ar fi aglomera\u021bie ca pe magistrala Berceni-Pipera.<\/p>\n

\u00cen al doilea r\u00e2nd, f\u0103r\u0103 voi, nici industria fashion nu ar mai exista. Ar fi dou\u0103 trei firme care s\u0103 fac\u0103 tricouri, pantaloni, lungi \u0219i scur\u021bi, pantofi sport, bocanci \u0219i \u0219lapi, ceva de iarn\u0103, \u0219i aia ar fi industria u\u0219oar\u0103 planetar\u0103.<\/p>\n

Ar fi \u00een schimb, osut\u0103dou\u0103jdemilioane, \u0219i asta ar fi o statistic\u0103 pesimist\u0103, de m\u0103rci de bere.<\/p>\n

Ar exploda produc\u021bia de \u0219ezlonguri, balansoare \u0219i fotolii care fac masaj.\u00a0 Robotica ar face salturi uria\u0219e, nemaiv\u0103zute. To\u021bi, chiar cel mai s\u0103r\u0103kie boschetar, ar avea un robot care s\u0103 aduc\u0103 berea rece, la botul adamului.<\/p>\n

S-ar inventa ma\u0219in\u0103rii complexe, capabile s\u0103 ne culeag\u0103 delicat scamele din buric, s\u0103 ne sc\u0103rpine competent, de c\u00eete ori este nevoie, adic\u0103 patru, cincisute de ori pe zi, la ou\u021be \u0219i \u00een ureche, pe spate.<\/p>\n

Ne-am \u00eenmul\u021bi noi prin diviziune celular\u0103, dar tot echipamentul genital trebuie musai s\u0103 fie acolo, activ \u0219i func\u021bional. \u0218i ar disp\u0103rea \u0219i frica centimetrilor, inchilor, prea pu\u021bini. Nu ar mai exista prea mic sau prea larg.<\/p>\n

Primul robot inventat ar fi \u0103la care ar oferi servicii sexuale complexe. Ar fi at\u00e2t de avansat \u00eenc\u00e2t ar citi g\u00e2ndurile fiec\u0103rui proprietar. \u0218i ar avea propulsie nuclear\u0103.<\/p>\n

Al doilea robot inventat pe planet\u0103 ar fi \u0103la care duce gunoiul. Apoi \u0103la care d\u0103 cu aspiratorul \u0219i spal\u0103 vasele. \u0218i nu \u0219tiu de ce, cred c\u0103 am inventa robotul pe care s\u0103 \u00eel min\u021bim c\u00e2nd vrem s\u0103 ne ducem la pe\u0219te, bere \u0219i meciuri cu prietenii.<\/p>\n

Obligatoriu, trebuie proiectat un robot care s\u0103 nu fac\u0103 nimic, doar s\u0103 tac\u0103. Poate s\u0103 se mi\u0219te aleatoriu dar s\u0103 tac\u0103 m\u00e2lc.<\/p>\n

Restaurantele ar fi obligate, prin lege planetar\u0103, ca \u00een meniu s\u0103 fie doar ceaf\u0103 de porc sau orice alt fel de carne fript\u0103, tocat\u0103, \u00eendesat\u0103 \u00een ma\u021be, cu garnitur\u0103 de cartofi pr\u0103ji\u021bi peste care s\u0103 troneze autoritar, dou\u0103 ou\u0103 moi, galbene ca soarele. Cartofii \u0103ia aurii \u0219i crocan\u021bi, musai, trebuie acoperi\u021bi de un strat generos de br\u00e2nz\u0103 ras\u0103, u\u0219or s\u0103rat\u0103. \u0218i bere rece. La g\u0103leat\u0103.<\/p>\n

Felul \u0103sta m\u00eencare este obligatoriu s\u0103 fie \u00eenso\u021bit, obligativitate care ar trebui legiferat\u0103, clar, f\u0103r\u0103 interpret\u0103ri, \u00een constitu\u021bia fiec\u0103rei \u021b\u0103ri din galaxie, de o salat\u0103 generoas\u0103 de ro\u0219ii de gr\u0103din\u0103, cu castrave\u021bi, ceap\u0103 ro\u0219ie \u0219i o cantitate destr\u0103b\u0103lat\u0103 de busuioc proasp\u0103t.<\/p>\n

Toate ma\u0219inile ar avea motoare de la opt cilindri \u00een sus, f\u0103r\u0103 tobe de e\u0219apament, dotate cu un sistem audio care ar scoate din min\u021bi to\u021bi pensionarii din Calea Lactee.<\/p>\n

Electrice? Hibride? Hahahahaa, poate nu am fost destul de clar, pe planet\u0103 tr\u0103iesc doar b\u0103rba\u021bi.<\/p>\n

\u0218i nici unul dintre b\u0103rba\u021bii de pe planet\u0103 nu ar a\u0219tepta, cu jum\u0103t\u0103\u021bile de ceas, pe nimeni, transpir\u00e2nd ca ni\u0219te cai, \u00eembr\u0103ca\u021bi cu toate \u021boalele alea bune, la u\u0219a de la intrare.<\/p>\n

Nu ar mai exista b\u0103rba\u021bi tri\u0219ti, a\u0219tept\u00e2nd resemna\u021bi, cu dou\u0103jdesaco\u0219e, \u00een m\u00e2ini, \u00een fa\u021ba celui de al patruzeci \u0219i \u0219aptelea magazin de \u021boale din cel de al treilea mall.<\/p>\n

Pentru c\u0103 nu putem avea toate astea, v\u0103 mul\u021bumim. Ar fi o via\u021b\u0103 at\u00e2t de plictisitoare, f\u0103r\u0103 complica\u021bii, nervi \u0219i avc-uri nea\u0219teptate.<\/p>\n

Cum am putea aprecia via\u021ba la adev\u0103rata ei valoare f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 sim\u021bim c\u0103 murim de dou\u0103,trei, zece, \u0103ia care au tras paiul cel mai scurt, pe or\u0103, zi.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Simt nevoia s\u0103 precizez, aceste r\u00e2nduri sunt un pamflet \u0219i trebuiesc consumate cu atare, neserios, relaxat,\u00a0 f\u0103r\u0103 f\u0103cut pe net comenzi de \u0219oricioaic\u0103 sau pesticide letale.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

LA MUL\u021aI ANI, dragele noastre iubite!!!!!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00cencep prin a-i ura jum\u0103t\u0103\u021bii mele dragi, un nesf\u00e2r\u0219it,\u00a0La Mul\u021bi Ani! Doamnelor care citesc pe aici, le urez din suflet, tot un uria\u0219, La Mul\u021bi Ani! S\u0103 ave\u021bi o zi minunat\u0103, o via\u021b\u0103 lin\u0103 \u0219i plin\u0103 de oameni care merit\u0103 s\u0103 fie \u00een ea. F\u0103r\u0103 voi, via\u021ba noastr\u0103 ar fi pustiu ca de\u0219ertul Gobi. Am…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3160,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3159","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nLa Mul\u021bi Ani - Lista lui Edelweiss<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"8 Martie\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/listaluiedelweiss.ro\/index.php\/2025\/03\/08\/la-multi-ani\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"ro_RO\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"La Mul\u021bi Ani - 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